


i’ve been waking up to the voices in my head

by hopecanbeyoursword



Series: edge of the world [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Past Character Death, Peter's there to help, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Temporary Character Death, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony and Nat are family, Tony and Nat deal with being alive again, Tony and Nat think about death, now that they're back, the five years that passed in endgame, their friendship is underrated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23980162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopecanbeyoursword/pseuds/hopecanbeyoursword
Summary: They weren't supposed to be alive. But they were.It takes time to relearn how to be with the reunited team, how to feel. But they don't do it alone.
Relationships: Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: edge of the world [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1724527
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	i’ve been waking up to the voices in my head

Natasha knew she had died.

She had made the choice, knowing one of them had to. And she wasn’t going to watch her best friend die. Her life had been chaotic, and violent, and complicated. She wasn’t proud of her past, but it had been Clint that gave her a second chance. That gave her a family. They were the ones she was dying for. For Tony, and Bruce, and Steve, and Clint, and Thor, and Wanda, and Sam, and everyone else, even the ones she barely knew.

They could set things right. This was just her part in the grand scheme of things.

So it was a surprise when she opened her eyes, lungs filling with air. She pushed herself up from her spot on the ground, surprised to find no scrapes or bruises on her, let alone evidence she had died.

_How long ago had that been? Was the war still on-going? Had they lost? Had they won? How was she awake and breathing?_

Frowning, Natasha looked around. Her surroundings were barren, cold. She was the only thing alive for miles. She was in the middle of trying to decide which way to go, when the air besides her started to shimmer gold. What looked like a portal opened up, and a familiar, but not well-known, figure stepped through, with someone behind him that eased the tension in her shoulders.

“Uh, Ms. Black Widow?”

“Peter,” she nodded. Tony hadn’t told her much about Spider-Man when he was brought to the airport all those years ago, the only time she had met him personally. But after, after the kid had died in Tony’s arms, the grief seeped into all of the man’s actions. Tony was guarded with the information, only telling the team the briefest description so they would understand the severity of the loss. But one night, when Tony had been particularly morbid, Peter’s birthday as she would later come to know, she had been the only one around. So she knew exactly how important Peter was to Tony, which is why they were standing together, in front of her.

“Nat,” Tony smiled, eyes tired. He looked battle worn, and was a little unsteady on his feet. “Welcome back to the land of the living. I guess we both have Dr. Strange to thank for this.”

“You too?” Is all she can ask. There’s something about Tony that lets her lower her guards, just a little. More than pretty much anyone else, except maybe Clint.

Tony nodded, squeezing Peter’s shoulder reassuringly. It was then that she noticed how close the teen was hovering, worry in his eyes, as if he would wake up, and everything would be snatched away.

“How long?”

“Me? About ten minutes. You…” Tony hesitated. “You missed the battle. We fought for you, and we won. I died getting rid of Thanos, but our good friend Dr. Strange was somehow able to reverse our deaths that were supposed to be permanent.”

“Remind me to thank him,” Natasha felt the smirk pull on her lips, a natural defense mechanism when she didn’t want anyone to know what she was thinking. However, her eyes were soft as she spoke to her friend. “Thank you, for coming.”

Tony smiled back. Everyone had offered to be the one to greet her, bring her back. In the end, Tony had gone, even though no one wanted to let him out of their sight, either. Especially Peter, which is why he had come, too.

Tony and Natasha had a quiet sort of friendship that no one could explain. They had stood together at night, overlooking the city. After she had come back from a long mission, and he left the lab for the first time in three days, before the team broke, they stared at the stars. In a quiet voice, he admitted how much he hated his past, how he had spent his whole life trying to live up to the standards Howard had set, constantly comparing Tony to Steve. She told him about the man she shot in the head at the Red Room, of the red in her ledger, and how she always wore a mask.

Neither of them were good at handling emotions. To be fair, neither was anyone else on the team. But Natasha found ways around it, at least with Tony. It was the mug of hot chocolate she’d leave on the counter when she knew he would be stumbling up from the lab. It was calling him “Shell-Head,” and rolling her eyes when he joked around. It was the quick squeeze, her hand on his shoulder as she left a room.

For Tony, it was the upgrades to her Widow Bites, prioritized ahead of new arrows for Clint or drawing up new shield ideas for Steve. It was the hard gaze and sharp comment when a reporter tried to sexualize her or reduce her worth. It was the fact that he was the one standing in front of her, ready to bring her home.

She smiled at him, then Peter. “Well, I guess it's time to go back.”

* * *

The portal led them to the common room in the compound. As she stepped through, she could hear the familiar voices of her teammates. They seemed to be in high spirits, likely wanting to revel in the fact that they won, before they mourned the losses. 

She plastered a mask on as everyone turned to look at them. As much as she was used to being looked at, since she was an Avenger, she hated being the center of attention. Natasha was thankful when Tony took a step forward, putting himself in front of both her, and Peter. It wasn’t enough to hide either of them, but now, Tony was the one people were looking at. She knew he was used to the attention, having been in the spotlight all his life. Whether he liked it or not, he was good at playing the part.

While he did that, she slipped towards the back of the room, where Clint was waiting for her. With everyone’s eyes still on Tony, she squeezed Clint’s hand. Letting him know she was okay. She was really there.

As the night progressed, everyone else came by to greet Natasha, happy to see her. Most understood she didn’t want the attention, and just smiled. Then, they went back to the main group who were laughing and talking in the middle of the room, smaller groups branching off.

“Wanna get out of here?”

Natasha didn’t look over, but she acknowledged him. “Roof?”

In five minutes, Natasha found herself sitting with Tony, overlooking the grounds of the compound. The sky was expansive, and they sat in the quiet, each nursing a drink that they didn’t really want, but gave their hands something to do. It was familiar, and Natasha could feel something deep in her bones ache.

It had been a long time since the two of them had been able to do this. In the time between Ultron and the Accords, the two would wander up to the top of whatever building they were currently in, late at night, often around three, just to think. For a while, they would sit in silence, unsure how to broach the gap between them. It was always there. For as much as they trusted each other in the field, it was different with every day life.

It changed one night, when Tony spoke first. He told her, in his own words, about Afghanistan. Sure, she knew what everyone else knew, and even a little more. It came with the job, with being one of Fury’s most trusted agents. It was different, hearing it from Tony.

He laid himself bare, and Natasha, somewhat conflicted at first, decided she wanted to say something. One sentence, just enough to let him know she understood, that she hurt like he did. Just enough for that night.

It evolved, and instead of physically wearing themselves out training with each other and the rest of the team, or spending days in the lab, or going on missions with no sleep, they found each other.

Natasha stopped seeing him as a teammate, and started seeing him as a friend. In a way she was unfamiliar with. They would each trade one story, or one secret, or one insecurity. They gave each other the very things that could destroy them, trusting each other. Somewhere along the way, they became family.

She stood at his side, facing half of her team. People she now considered friends, but only Clint (and Tony) as family. At least, that’s what she made herself believe, because it was easier, staring them down. Everything was going to change, and she made her choice.

The red in her ledger weighed her down in the way she knew how heavy the weight was on Tony’s shoulders from the old Stark Industries. They both did a lot they weren’t proud of. This was their chance to be held accountable. They couldn’t let those people be forgotten, no matter how much it hurt to think about those times, to accept that they were those people who let death follow in their wake. They were both so acutely aware of the destruction left in their wake, and they tried to make it better. Each try failed, and they were getting frustrated.

Late at night, their last night of peace before everything went south, they met on the roof. Neither of them wanted this. They didn’t want the team to be torn apart, but it looked like it was inevitable. And they understood Steve’s side, they really did. But their pasts: the Red Room, Howard Stark and Obadiah Stane, were too much to ignore.

They couldn’t see themselves as heroes. The least they could do was give back to those they hurt in any way possible.

The fight wasn’t going to end well. Natasha knew that much. As much as she knew it would hurt Tony, because the two of them were so similar it sometimes hurt, she knew what she had to do. She couldn’t let the team be locked away on the raft. She was the only one who could help them escape.

So she did.

* * *

For two years, she tried to distance herself. By that point, she had to admit to herself that the entire team was like family. But she had made her choice. She dyed her hair blonde and faded back into the shadows. She explained her and Tony’s views to Steve. Neither of them could run, and finally, finally, they had the conversation that could’ve prevented this.

When it was time, Natasha found herself charging into battle at Steve’s side, the air clear between them. But she still wondered what Tony was doing. 

It turned out, he took the fight to space, where became stuck, drifting through space, broken, and almost alone. Eventually, he came back. He was quiet, too quiet, for days. He didn’t look at anyone, and only responded to Pepper and Rhodey.

Two weeks passed, and he looked at her. Knowing exactly what he was asking, she met him on the roof. She sat in the silence, breathing in. So much had changed, and the universe had lost so much.

“I lost Peter.”

It was then that she was told about the teenager. Only hours before he and Steve finally talked, he told her the truth.

* * *

Tony had to tell someone. Rhodey and Pepper knew. They were his family, and they were the only two he truly trusted with the aftershocks.

But he knew he would have to tell the team, soon. Tensions were getting high again, even though Natasha worked to keep them civil.

It was odd, seeing her retreat inside herself again, odd to see her hair blonde, instead of red. But something told him she was still the same person he had known before, at least, in the ways that mattered.

He told her about Peter, about Spider-Man. How the internship cover became real, how it progressed from mentoring the teen, to becoming family. With despair in his voice, he told her about Titan. How he lost Peter.

He let himself feel. The shoulder squeeze from her let him know that though there was was still a lot for them to talk about, she was there for him.

Tony had to let her know how he was there for her. He told her that he had figured out where she and the others had gone. He told her how he had been asked to track them down and bring them in. How that even though he was hurting, he covered for them. He sent the government officials on wild goose chases, because the team was still important to him. How he made sure no one could touch them, and when they settled in Wakanda, Tony had reached out T’Challa to make sure they were taken care of.

It was then that Tony knew they would be okay. No matter what happened with the rest of the team, he would have Natasha.

* * *

Five years passed.

Tony distanced himself from the team, expect Natasha. He knew she was living at the compound, and made sure it was always fully stocked with everything she could need, along with things she might want. He invited her to the cabin once a month, where they would stare up at the stars.

She became “Auntie Nat” to Morgan, and even on the nights where she felt alone, she knew she wasn’t.

But then there was a chance to undo what Thanos did, and they both hesitated, albeit for different reasons. Tony didn’t want to risk losing everything he finally had, and Natasha was tired of fighting.

However, with some convincing, and the unspoken agreement to do it together, they agreed. Natasha went back to the shooting range at the compound, and Tony stepped into an Iron Man suit again for the first time in years.

Tony still had some doubts, until he looked at the photo of him and Peter. For the first time in years, Tony felt the familiar fire starting in him. The wish for justice, the anger at Thanos. He didn’t feel as helpless anymore.

For Peter, for a chance that the teenager could have a life, Tony invented time travel.

* * *

Natasha being gone made the final battle hurt that much more.

As much as he and Bruce got along, Natasha was his best friend on the team. And now, she was gone. The world felt emptier, but her death fueled Tony. He would fight for her.

He did, and when the pain from using the stones threatened to overwhelm him, he wondered if he would see her again. As he took his last breaths, he smiled at his family. They were hurting, and it hurt Tony to know that. But he had saved them.

* * *

She had accepted her death.

Afterwards, she felt like she was floating, untethered. As if she would just hover somewhere in between forever.

Then she was awake again.

* * *

They got better as time went by.

Natasha was interested in the younger spider, and immediately decided to help train him once he was cleared to fight again. She understood why Tony cared about Peter so much.

She kept herself busy, and brushed off any questions about Vormir. She slipped on her masks, and no one questioned it, even if they knew something was off. Even after everything they had been through, they all still had trouble talking about their feelings.

Tony did the same. He spent time with Peter in the lab, or just watching movies. Neither wanted to let the other out of their sight. They had both seen the other die, and that’s something they would never recover from.

Peter was the one who asked Natasha to join them. He saw the same tension in her that was in Mr. Stark, especially late at night when they thought no one was looking. It was the way he felt. Sure, he knew that half of the universe had died. Himself included. But he knew that the two original Avengers’ deaths were different. They were supposed to be irreversible. Permanent. Sacrifice, rather than casualty.

At first, he used his own nightmares as an excuse. Peter learned early on that was a sure way to get either of them to let down their guards, to make sure he was okay. And the nightmares were bad, so he didn’t feel that guilty about it.

Them, it just started happening. Movie nights at two in the morning, or sitting on the balcony at three in the afternoon. Taking walks, or lab sessions. He could tell when they couldn’t sleep, old memories keeping them up, or whispers of “ _you shouldn’t be alive_ , _why are you alive?_ ” loud in their heads. A question too many people were asking.

Natasha and Tony both didn’t sleep much the first month after they came back. Natasha could hear voices she recognized as being from the Red Room, and Tony heard his father. Everyone they had hurt. _Why?_ The voices were hard to ignore. Everything weighed down heavily.

Natasha needed a change, so on one day she was feeling particularly down, she tracked down Tony and Peter. It wasn’t hard to find them, as they spent most of their free time together, either in the lab or common room. Though they were both living at the cabin with May, Rhodey, Pepper, Morgan, and Happy, now that Tony was healed, they started spending more time at the compound.

The first night back, they all spent together, before taking time off to figure things out. Natasha stayed at the compound, Tony spent three days in the med-bay, before heading off to the cabin with his family.

Now, about a month later, they were starting to spend two days a week at the compound. Natasha was thankful they were there the day she needed their help on something. 

Upon hearing what she needed, they agreed to help. With a quick order placed by FRIDAY, they found themselves sitting in Peter’s bathroom and hour later.

“You sure?” Tony asked as he lifted the scissors.

“I’m sure,” Natasha nodded firmly.

She watched in the mirror as Tony cut four inches off the bottom, getting rid of the split ends. The white fell to the ground, leaving only a little left behind.

That’s when Peter came in. Carefully, he applied the hair dye to what remained of Natasha’s bleached hair. Thanks to Tony’s reach, they had found the perfect shade of red to return her hair to its natural color.

It was Natasha’s way of reclaiming herself. Of letting herself believe she deserved to be there, alive with her team, her family. That though she couldn’t erase her past, she could move on.

* * *

Tony was ready to truly retire.

He had thought he escaped, but was dragged back in. Now that Thanos was gone, he was ready to enjoy the life he had. He had been given another chance at life, and he wasn’t going to take it for granted.

Pepper was proud of him, placing a kiss on his cheek as he stood in front of his suits, Rhodey, Peter, and Natasha with them.

With a sigh, Tony said goodbye to that part of his life. He was Iron Man with or without the suits, with or without missions. He was thankful for the good he had been able to do, the healing it had allowed him to achieve. The family it had given him.

But now it was time to enjoy his life. The suits were dormant, only able to be activated by Peter. Tony would never leave Peter alone in the field, even if he wasn’t going to wear a suit again. The technology was available to his kid, whether he needed it, or the team did. Until the world was ready to move on, Peter would be able to access the tech, and FRIDAY would pilot.

As the doors slid shut, locking, he felt a weight lifted from his shoulders. Tony looked around the room at his family. They weren’t all in the room, but those who understood the hero life best, were. His wife, proud of the good he did, but happy to know he would be away from the danger. His best friend and brother, happy to see him alive, being everything he ever knew Tony would be. His other best friend, who was almost like a sister, her hair red, and steps lighter, almost ready to take the same step. And the kid, who went from mentee to _his kid_ , the leader of the next generation of heroes who would be better than everyone who came before.

* * *

There were still hard days, nights, weeks, for all of them.

The lingering voices, the haunting questions. The nightmares, and ache to go back in the field because for so long, it was all they knew. Life would never be the same. The team was learning to work together again, and they were actually talking.

Tony and Natasha would always have an extra weight, but they were learning to open up, not to hide away. 

Peter watched them, ready to help. He knew it wasn’t his job. He knew he couldn’t make it all better, but Peter was determined to make it a little easier. He knew Mr. Stark, and he guessed Natasha was the same. It’s why their little group worked so well.

This was family. And family helped each other.

**Author's Note:**

> this all started with the parkner story, and somehow evolved into a whole series. i already have two more parts in progress, and one more part written, along with plenty of ideas, so i hope you stick with me!
> 
> also, Tony & Nat friendship rights


End file.
